How soft is your pillow?

Its Friday night (or really Saturday morning) 3am

Ethan 4 yrs old "Sissy, can I sleep in your bed? I can't sleep..."
Me "Why monkey? Don't you want to sleep in your bed?"
Ethan "No. My pillow isn't soft anymore."

Needless to say I relented and let him climb on into my bed. Five minutes later Graham 5 yrs old joined us. We slept contentedly until my alarm went off at 6:20am reminding me I had to go to work today. I looked over and saw two precious boys sleeping all curled up next to me. My heart swelled.


And then the busy whirl of work day activity began. Shower. Teeth. Scrubs. Get Luke 8 yrs old ready for play date this morning. Kiss Goodbye. Drive through town to work. Etc etc etc

And despite it being extremely busy at work the first half of my shift, and an unending to-do list in the forefront of my mind, Ethan's reason for wanting to switch beds kept running through my mind "My pillow isn't soft anymore."

His comfortable nest of a bed. His plush, enveloping, pillow wasn't "soft" anymore. He wanted to leave his bed. He was done with it.

The Lord has been teaching me a lot the past few months about coming out from my comforts and into His. My comforts of home, and my family being nearby, and my secure job, an amazing church family, gorgeous FL sunsets, sushi thats to die for whenever I crave it....my immensely cozy bed (no lie! its my piece de resistance). He has been calling me out from what I have clung to so strongly as my greatest comforts. He's showing me that His comfort. His will. His plan is so far above mine.

He is making my "pillow" not so soft anymore.

The comforts that used to satiate me are no longer as desirable. They aren't as inviting. I want to go to Him...to share His comfort. Its way better than mine.

His ways might not always feel so soft. His ways can be hard, yet He spurs us on.

Paul said "But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed" 2 Cor. 4:7-9

But wait....He doesn't leave it with just that!

Paul reminds us of where it leads us to.

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 2 Cor.4:16-18

My pillow isn't soft anymore.


.......Is yours?

First Step...New Beginnings

So,...now is the time. I need to start blogging....journaling...writing down the amazing things that the Lord is showing me, leading me to do, and guiding me through. Today my sister and brother in law are in Uganda. A land I have been to before. A land I love...and pray for daily. They are sleeping in their mosquito net covered beds,...with my sweet brand new niece Amaris Mariam next to them, whom God has placed so tenderly, and unquestionably, in their hands. The courts ruled today. She is theirs. She is grafted in. Never to be without them again. Just like we, who have accepted Christ's love and sacrifice, are adopted into His grace and salvation...becoming His child forever, never to be without Him again.

And I sit here. In their house. With their three boys I am staying with while they are on the other side of the world. Bubbling with thoughts and energy and nearly exploding with excitement. And I can't help but think....

When is it my turn?

Can I go back to Uganda too Lord?

Can I adopt too?

Can I please go live among your sweet children (young and old) and love with Your hands and see with Your eyes over there in Africa's fertile land?

Can I go?

Me, Lord, me!!

And yet I sit.

Waiting.

He has a plan for me. I'm living it. I can't see tomorrow's destination. I am only in today. And that is all He has called me to. To be with Him today.

So I'll sit and wait on Him...to light the next step of my path tomorrow.

One step closer towards Him....